i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
