Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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