Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
