Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Fuck appropriateness.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
