I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
