So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
