I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
