her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
