You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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