i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
