areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
