Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
