I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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