You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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