I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
