So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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