I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
