i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We need a shit load of segways right now
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
