I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
