How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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