im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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