yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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