I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
