Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
