Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
