I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
