I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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