And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
