Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
