drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
