What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
