I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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