Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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