I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
