Dude my mom stole all your condoms
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
