I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
