every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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