Can Purell be used as lube?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Randomize
