Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
