if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
