im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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