I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
