i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
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