He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
