we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
