After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
