don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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