I seem to have left my pride at pride
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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