ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
