Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
