Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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