first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
