Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
