yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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