9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just invented taco cereal.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
