I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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