Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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