i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
