you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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