I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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